Top 10 Most Painful Australian Animal Bites

When you say “Australia”, people instantly think “funny accents” and “animals grabbed straight out of a H.P. Lovecraft novel”. Whether it’s the Dark Lord Cthulhu rising from the seas or spiders the size of a human face, Australia will find a way to genuinely screw up your day wherever you go. Doing some research on which animals to avoid beforehand doesn’t seem like too much trouble (hint: you’ll instantly know if it’s Cthulhu, so you’re all good on that).
Now how do we know which animal has the most painful bite? Well, we ask a venomologist. Dr. Bryan Fry did some research into the subject and came up with the 10 most painful animal bites in Australia. In case there’s anyone wondering which highly scientific method he used to figure this out: he actually let all of them bite him. So remember: these things hurt a man with steel balls. Avoid them at all costs, unless you want to spend the good portion of the next hour yelling “F#&@! THAT F#&@ING HURT LIKE A F#&@ER!” (sidenote: research shows cursing actually relieves pain, so drop those F-bombs like you’re America trying to liberate a country).

10. Fire Urchin
According to ol’ Bryan, the burning sensation at the site of the sting makes you catch your breath. I could make an STD joke, but since this is a scientific article, I won’t.

9. Crown of Thorns Starfish
The sting of the Crown of Thorns starfish (honestly, this is 110% the same format they use to name bosses in video games, so he kinda should’ve guessed this wouldn’t be pleasant) is described as “straightforward pain”. Seems like a pretty straightforward reason to avoid it, then.